Nicole (fireflux) wrote,

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Calories Today: Around 200 Exercise: 1 1/2 lap running, 1 1/2 lap walking (Around Yard)

I truly loathe myself sometimes. Seems I can never push myself hard enough to do what needs to be done. I just got off the scale 166. I do not like the number 166. As matter of fact I despise it. 166 only means one thing to me. It means I have to work harder then when I first started. I've come a long way and I will not EVER give up.

I'm going to start running one lap around our yard everyday so I can start conditioning myself for heavy running again. I'm guessing in about two weeks of running one lap I can throw in another ECT. But I can only run during the week because of the parents being home on weekends. I don't even want them to know. They have a way of making fun of my efforts.

I feel like such a PIG! 200 calories. Can you believe that?!

2 Bullion cubes 10 cals
2 pieces of sliced ham 60 cals
Hot cocoa about 130 cals

Tomorrow's going to be such a fun day. I'm going to Collierville, my sister's house, so that I can skate w/my friend Panda. We used to be BIG roller-bladeing junkies. Ah the old days. But since then I've been forced back to my parent's house out in Bum-Fuck Egypt. We don't even HAVE paved roads out here. Anyhow, We're going to spend the whole day just hanging out and skating. Being teenagers. Then she's coming back to the house w/me. Which means we'll stay up late playing video games and talking about perverted things! (^. ^) I might not get to make and entry tomorrow due to her being here. She doesn't know about my Ana or Mia. : Sigh: And I don't want her knowing.

I've decided something. It was very hard to decide but I know inside that I'm right. David, my boyfriend, has to go. I love him so much for the person he is. But I'm out growing him too fast. I want a man that can provide for me if needed. A Man w/some stability. David has nothing to offer me anymore. Never really did I just imagined it all because I was lonely.

I mean the boy is 19, lives at home w/his mother. He's never had a job and he dropped out of school in the eight grade. He's been 'working' on his GED for about 5 months. Doesn't have an drivers ID. Probably couldn't pass the test. He just so unmotivated. He talks about doing all these outlandish things like writing books, getting his band noticed, and recording a album. He can't even get his GED much less any of the for mentioned.

Other then his own shortcomings. He calls me names that a boyfriend shouldn't call his lover. Like "Childish Bitch" and "Chunky!" for example. He yells at me all the time. Yet he tells me he needs me and loves me. The only time I can truly stand the man is when we're doing something sexual and his mouth is shut. And too add to it all he's one of the biggest hypocrites around today. So I'm doing myself a BIG favor by stopping us from getting anymore involved. Maybe I'll even find me a nice lusty dream guy! *Glee*
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